As some of you know, I am on the board of the Kids’ Compassion Project. In preparation for a recent event, I wanted to create a discussion guide to briefly explain to parents how to teach children to be compassionate. You’d think after this much advanced training, I could hammer out a few bullet points (ha!). I’m still chewing on this but here’s what I know so far.
Read MoreRecommended reading: we're helping our kids too much, but it's easy to change!
Source material: Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, M.Ed.
First description here: http://www.imfcanada.org/simplicity-parenting
And adapted here: http://raisedgood.com/extraordinary-things-happen-when-we-simplify-childhood/
"Payne describes the four pillars of excess as having too much stuff, too many choices, too much information and too much speed.
When children are overwhelmed they lose the precious down time they need to explore, reflect and release tension. Too many choices erodes happiness, robbing kids of the gift of boredom which encourages creativity and self-directed learning. And most importantly “too much” steals precious time....
So, how do we as parents protect our kids in this new “normal” society has created? Simple, we say no. We protect our kids and say no, so we can create space for them to be kids. No, Sam can’t make the birthday party on Saturday. No, Sophie can’t make soccer practice this week. And we recreate regular down time providing a sense of calm and solace in their otherwise chaotic worlds."
Quick minute: oldie but goodie, PDF play time, down time, family time
"Don’t be too misled by this idyllic description of family life. Pitched battles were also fought among siblings, including the great Gingerbread Elf Ice Rink War of 2015 (one child preferred a fondant ice rink, another wished to melt Jolly Ranchers, and after a compromise of melted Jolly Ranchers over fondant was reached, a third child peeled the first ice rink off and ate it). One child spent hours on homework, while another had the inevitable break-is-almost-over-and-I-didn’t-do-my-assignment realization late Saturday night...Denise Pope, one of the authors of “Overloaded and Underprepared: Strategies for Stronger Schools and Healthy, Successful Kids,” advocates protecting “PDF”: playtime, downtime and family time.” In the book, she and the co-authors Maureen Brown and Sarah Miles cite the research that tells us that our individual anecdotal sense that our children have far less free time than we once did is spot on. Higher-income children spend more time at school and activities than they once did, and have fewer opportunities to be with friends in an unstructured setting. "
Quick minute: What car assembly can teach you about family dinner.
"In the 1980s, the Japanese car manufacturer Toyota opened its first American plant in Fremont, Calif. The factory was guided by a management philosophy known as the Toyota Production System, which at its core holds that even the most complex problems have simple causes – if you know how to look for them.
For us, “the Five Whys” worked in a fairly straightforward manner. We began by identifying a problem: We never managed to have family dinner. Then we explored, at the most surface level, why that was true: Because my wife and I always got home later than we expected."
Quick minute: Your kids aren't killing you, self care still helps
Parenting articles I've been savoring recently:
"A team from Northwestern University has examined the hidden costs of parental empathy. They found that while the children of empathetic parents are better off physically and emotionally, the parents’ cells reveal chronic, low-grade inflammation. When their children suffer psychologically, empathetic parents’ immune systems take a hit.....Things like getting enough sleep, exercising, and reducing stress are all related to these types of immune processes,” Manczak told Quartz. “It’s not selfish for parents to make time for those things—it’s actually critical for their own mental and physical health.” http://qz.com/625044/being-a-good-parent-will-physiologically-destroy-you-new-research-says/
Followed quickly by
"But most of us can find a way to be more positive more often. It starts with finding ways to nurture and nourish ourselves, so we can stay more centered. But if you're like most parents, that's not so easy. The secret is radical self-care. What do I mean by radical? I mean not just tending to yourself after everyone else's needs are met. I mean actually moving self-care high up on your priority list. I mean overwhelming yourself with love and appreciation." http://qz.com/625044/being-a-good-parent-will-physiologically-destroy-you-new-research-says/
Radical self care...love that phrase.