Small business owners are stressed

You can’t think clearly. You run around all day putting out fires, responding to the emergency right in front of you. You get to the end of the day and your To Do list looks exactly the same. It feels like you haven’t accomplished a fraction of what you wanted to this week.

Welcome to the global pandemic. We are trying to run businesses and families with little to no childcare, disrupted supply chains, and spotty information about what is safe and what the future looks like.

You are stressed and overwhelmed, barely holding your head above water. I’m here to tell you that this is the time to stop, float on your back, and figure out a new normal. A SUSTAINABLE normal. A way of living that you can continue smoothly for the next year or two. As the economy goes up and down, as COVID ebbs and flows.

Stress can be described as the emotional or physiological tension that comes during or after challenges circumstances. The sources of stress can be external – like our commute, an overflowing email inbox, a frustrating colleague – or stress can have internal triggers like fearful or angry thoughts. Stress can be subjective, one person enjoys a big party, another finds it incredibly stressful. And a person’s stress reaction is related to their interpretation of the event – it’s like seeing a shadow behind the door, one person might laugh, expecting to find their partner trying to scare them while another person cowers in fear, sure it’s a robber.

There is some evidence that low to medium levels of stress that are temporary is actually good for us, it motivates us to grow and evolve. Here’s a TED talk I love from Kelly McGonigal that talks about benefits of moderate stress and how to make stress work for you.

Unfortunately medical science suggests that chronic and overwhelming stress is associated with a wide variety of negative health outcomes. So let’s figure out how to show up differently and reduce the stress we’re experiencing.

We can’t avoid stress but we can learn to cope better

The hard truth is none of us can avoid stressful experiences. Our goal isn’t to stamp stress out of our lives…that would be impossible and boring. The goal is to equip ourselves to show up for stress well. To manage it adeptly and flexibly so we can grow and learn from it, without creating extra or unnecessary anxiety and frustration in the process.

It can be useful to understand that our stress response is at its core a fight, flight, or freeze response, that is evolutionarily designed to keep us safe. Our ancestors needed racing hearts, hyper-focused attention, and a burst of energy to evade attack. The ancient people who were laid back and chill? Well they were eaten, so didn’t get to pass their genes down! This stress response evolved for a specific function, but it’s not always a great fit for our current context. And the fight, flight, freeze response is now triggered not only by life threatening situations but throughout the day when we read the news, when a harsh email comes in, or we hear our child screaming downstairs while we try to lead a Zoom meeting.

Ways to calm down quickly so you can think clearly

What I am hearing over and over is that people are overwhelmed. They are in a high state of stress. When we are in high stress:

• We focus only on the one thing in front of us

• We have a very hard time keeping perspective

• It feels impossible to see the forest or prioritize effectively

To step out of the “whack a mole” approach to life, we must first calm down our nervous system. Here are a few quick tools on how to do that. These skills are based on techniques from evidence-based therapies including Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

5 Evidence-based skills for calming down quickly

Calm Down Skill 1: Activate the diving reflex – face in cold water

“In order to calm down quickly, try holding your breath and putting your face in a bowl of cold water or holding a cold pack on your eyes and cheeks for at least 30 seconds. This will cue your mammalian diving reflex which is a natural reflex that occurs in all mammals and is triggered in humans when our faces are submerged in cold water. The reflex causes our body chemistry to change—heart rate drops down immediately and the parasympathetic nervous system is activated to prompt a relaxation response. Make sure to keep water above 50 degrees Fahrenheit” from The Manhattan Psychology Group

More ideas: “try running cold water on your forearms, taking a hot or cold shower, chewing on ice or just holding an ice cube in your hand.  When we briefly change our temperature, we ground ourselves in the present moment and refocus.” From The Columbus Park Group

Calm Down Skill 2: Intense exercise

“Try to engage in intensive exercise, even if it’s only for a short amount of time. Exercising intensely will help your body get rid of negative energy that can sometimes be stored from strong emotions. Get rid of this energy by running, walking at a fast pace, doing jumping jacks, etc. Exercise naturally releases endorphins which will help combat any negative emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness.” from The Manhattan Psychology Group

Calm Down Skill 3: Paired Muscle Relaxation

Calm Down Skill 4: Breathing with a longer exhale

Physical and emotional states are connected. In terms of breathing, when people are afraid, they tend to take short, fast breaths, which can increases feelings of attention and alertness, as our body prepares for a fight, flight, or freeze response. In relatively safe situations, this quick, fast breathing can actually begin a cascade of emotional and physical reactions that increases vigilance and produces bodily reactions that can make us more afraid.

Learning to breath slowly (not necessarily deeply) can help us relax. Research indicates that elongated exhalation (not inhalation) helps with relaxation.

• Take a normal breath in and exhale slowly while repeating a calming word of your choice.

  • Traditionally, “calm” and “relax” is suggested but I find it more useful to pick a word that feels authentic to me without feeling like a command. I like to use “grounded”, “open”, or “here now.”

• Intentionally pause for 2-4 seconds before inhaling again.

• Repeat breathing with a longer exhale for 2-5 minutes.

Calm Down Skill 5: Box breathing or tactical breathing

First former U.S. Navy SEAL Mark Divine walks you through it then I included a guided visualization below and a video you can do with your kids.

Try one of these 5 skills each day to test out what works best for you. I hope this is helpful for your own continued journey. Warmly, Kerry