To all the partners of medical professionals

They might come home and say it was a bad day. He may give details, she may say nothing at all. But you can feel it, the weight and hardness of the pain and death and suffering they saw today. Maybe she talked to someone at work already, maybe there was a hairs breadth of a second in the frantic pace, where a comrade looked him in the eye, and they both knew, acknowledged, recognized how very very hard this was. To feel the weight of this world and it’s burden.

But maybe (and my fear more likely) there was no time or space for a moment of connection. It was the same white knuckle ride through this nightmare roller coaster for our healthcare heroes. And now your loved one sits at the table or lays in bed and you can feel the stink of this crazy messed up time on them, as he chews his food and she scrolls through her phone. Just to try and leave it behind, not bring it here, back home.

And as in so many of the hardest, most sacred moments of life there are so many words and no words. Just be there. Sit with them. Touch them. Provide the simplest most concrete evidence of comfort. Their favorite meal, reheated. A warm blanket, a tight hug. Stillness and presence in the midst of this storm.

And if there are any words, let them be words that acknowledge the pain and the love. 

This is hard. This is a stupid painful world. I’m here. I love you. I am so grateful you are in this world, that you do the work you do each day. I am grateful that this stupid world has you, and a million people like you, who work to make it better, safer, healthier. Thank you for bearing witness to death. People who would die alone have you there. Thank you. I love you. I am here. How can I help?

Here’s the science behind the poetry:

Medical workers are being called to duty now. They are bearing witness to incredible suffering and putting themselves in harm’s way to do their work. In the midst of an ongoing stressor, it is useful to provide concrete comfort and support (Psychological First Aid, 2006). Follow the lead of the person you are supporting. Trust the resilience and natural coping skills of your partner.

If additional processing is needed, that will come later.

If you or someone you love would like additional support during this time, I recommend COVID Coach, an app created to support self-care and overall mental health during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.